Have you ever wondered how Peter felt when he realized that it was his turn to step up and lead? Well I never had until recently. I mean just think about it. I wonder if Peter ever thought that he would be the rock of the Catholic Church. It must have been frightening to him to think its his turn to step up and lead. This man had spent the past years of his life following the Son of God. Now, the leadership has been bestowed on him to go and share the works of Jesus. That is incredibly intimidating. I kind of can relate to this feeling and it has hit me harder than usual recently.
My whole life I have based my faith on others leading me towards God. When I was in high school I was provided with a great youth group and wonderful people who believed in God. Their presence constantly pushed me towards God. I worked with a group called the Evangelization Team and it called for you to become closer to God. When I got into college I dated a wonderful Catholic woman who constantly challenged me in my faith. Its sad to say now but I relied on her to further my faith. After I broke up with her I was faced with the task of continuing my faith on my own. Anyone that knew me my senior year of college knows that this was a huge struggle for me. For the first time in my life I had no idea where to go with my faith. It didn't hit me until the spring of my senior year I was put in charge of running a confirmation retreat. I had worked this retreat for the past three years and now it was my turn to run the show. For the first time I had to lead others to God without relying on anyone else to help my spiritual growth. I remember that retreat so vividly because I began to see the youths faith grow and I remember thinking I could see myself doing this stuff forever. But how would I take that next step.
So to take that next step, after graduating I took a job as a youth minister in Juneau, Alaska. (Yes people live in Alaska)
I will state right now that I am so thankful for the opportunity that God has provided me. Even though I am thankful I am terrified at the same time. God has given me the opportunity to lead others to him. He has bestowed this great honor on me. Am I truly worthy to do this? Am I teaching the teens the things that God wants me to teach them? These are questions that consistently run through my head every time I am preparing for youth group. Some days I feel that I constantly live in a state of fear because I don't know where to go next. Sometimes I talk to my youth group and just pray that God will provide me with the words that he wants them to hear. The one thing that I have to continually tell myself is that God doesn't make mistakes. I know that line can be kind of cheesy, but it is so true. God called me to come up here and make a difference. The hardest part is I have always relied on others to further my faith, but the only one I should be relying on is God. Leading isn't easy and others are now looking to you for that guidance. The wonderful thing is that we truly are not alone and God is always present. Recently, I have been wearing a bracelet that says "Remember, we are in the presence of God". Yes, it is a simple quote but by wearing this bracelet I am constantly reminded that I am no longer in control, He is.
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