Dating = Discernment

This past weekend I was blessed to have my girl friend come up and visit me. She is wonderful woman who is completely passionate about her faith and truly lives her faith in everything she does. For any of you that don't know anything about my relationship it is quite a unique. I met my girlfriend while we were in college but we didn't start dating until I moved to Alaska a year after I graduated. I have seen her three times since we started dating and one of those times we hung out for a few hours while I was passing through Charlotte on my way back from World Youth Days.  The reason I tell you this is to show you that being able to just be with her is very special to me. Not because we need a physical side to our relationship to strive because we are very pure in our relationship, but the fact that I get to see her face to face while we talk about faith and get to go to mass together means the world to me. The most interesting conversation we have is our views on dating and the discernment process.

Technically, me and her are "girlfriend" and "boyfriend", but in the vocation aspect we are both considered single. Now, this does not mean that I can go on dates with any woman or kiss any girl I see. I still am committed to her as being my potential spouse.  There are major differences though, between being in a relationship with a woman and actually marrying her. Here, are three major points that show that dating is still a discernment process compared to a vocation.

1.  Relationships can end at anytime while marriages are a life long commitment. When you begin to date someone there is normally some form of an attraction to the other person that sparks your interest.  You beginning dating them because you want to get to know someone and this relationship has the potential to grow into something more. Dating someone for the first time doesn't mean you are going to spend the rest of your life with them. Marriage is a sacrament that calls for each person to spend the rest of their lives with each other. 

2.  Prayer.  Praying in a relationship compared to praying in a marriage are vastly different. While it is important to pray for your counterpart in a relationship it is ultimately more important to pray that God will continue to guide you towards you and your counterparts vocation. May that vocation be marriage or some religious order, you should put that decision into God's hand. In marriage you not only are praying for yourself or spouse, but also for the success of your relationship. Though in both a relationship and marriage you should pray that God remains the center, in a relationship for God to be center you must be open to his ultimate plan for you even if that is not marriage.

3.  Purity vs. Pro creation. Now this last point may seem a little strange, but I find this one is to be the most important.  This last point incorporates the last two and is one of the hardest for people in relationships today.  Purity in a relationship is simple. Like I stated before a relationship can end at any time even if you think that you are going to "marry" this person.  If you take away the purity of a woman you are not only hurting her, but you are taking that away from her future spouse.  Sex is made for marriage and to pro create. Sex is not made for our enjoyment but to be a beautiful act that we share with one person in marriage.  We are called to protect the purity of every person and wait until marriage to participate in an act such as procreation.

These reasons show that dating is not something we do, but a part of our discernment process that God puts us through. It is put on us to choose how to enter in this discernment process. I am thankful to know that currently in my discernment process I am supported by a wonderful woman. I pray that everyone that reads this recognizes the call to continue to discernment until the day you are married or ordained. God should be in the center of all things that we do and we must surrender ourselves at the foot of the cross to recognize that.  Galatians 2:20 "So that it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. This life that I live now, I live by Faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me."